Community College Revising Sentences Discussion

Directions: Below are a series of questions to practice language revisions. Copy and paste the examples into a Word document or text box and make revisions according to the directions. Submit your revisions to this assignment.

Revise the following sentence to reduce gender stereotypes:

1. Every employee must wear his photo ID on the job.

Revise the following sentence to avoid unfamiliar words/business jargon:

2. To expedite ratification of this agreement, we urge you to vote in the affirmative.

Revise this sentence so that it is clear who is doing the action (hint: right now it is the contract that is skilled at designing brochures):

3. Skilled at designing the brochures, the contract was awarded to ExpoArts.

Correct the following statement to be more courteous:

4. If you had listened to your agent more carefully, you would know that your policy does not cover accidents out of the United States.

Revise the following statement to avoid disability discrimination:

5. James is afflicted with arthritis, but his crippling rarely interferes with his work.

The following paragraph from Successful Writing at Work is wordy and full of awkward, hard-to-read sentences. Revise the paragraph to make it more readable by using clear and concise language. Try to revise it down to half the current word count (144), while still retaining the important parts of the message.

6. It has been verified conclusively by this writer that our institution must of necessity install more bicycle holding racks for the convenience of students, faculty, and staff. These parking modules should be fastened securely to walls outside strategic locations on the campus. They could be positioned there by work crews or even by the security forces who vigilantly patrol the campus grounds. There are many students in particular who would value the installation of these racks. Their bicycles could be stationed there by them, and they would know that safety measures have been taken into consideration to ensure that none of their bicycles would be apprehended or confiscated illegally. Besides the precaution factor, these racks would afford users maximized convenience in utilizing their means of transportation when they have academic business to conduct, whether at the learning resource center or in the instructional facilities.